This is the third time this has happened. Word for word. The exact same thing: “Eric, I don’t know why, but I can’t date you. I’m sorry.”
Almost two years ago, Sarah sat on the couch in her basement. She wasn’t wearing her ring when she told me. The conversation lasted maybe 20 minutes. I tried whatever I could in those twenty minutes to change her mind. She handed me a white grocery bag. Inside was my mom’s digital camera, a bottle of vanilla protein powder, and the ring. I wept when I collapsed on my bed at home.
Karin, about six months later, told me over the phone. When I hung up, I sprawled out on the evergreen plastic picnic bench in my backyard under the summer setting sun. Only two white clouds billowed in the sky.
Christina told me a month ago. We sat on her bedroom floor. My right ankle crossed my left one as I slouched against the narrow piece of wall between her two closets. Across from me, she rested her chin on her folded arms, which were supported by her bent knees. She wore her blue pajama pants with dalmatians and candy cane bones with red bows.
“Christina, I just want you to know that I loved you.”
“I know. I love you, too. Note the present tense.” We sat in silence. “It is taking a lot for me not to be next to you.”
I propped my head on the wall. My eyes traced the string of blue Christmas lights on the white cord that ran along the corner of the wall and ceiling. Slowly, she scooted next to me, and I held her.
A few minutes later, I stood up, so did she. I hugged her again, and I kissed her forehead. I said, “Good-bye.” Then, I left. I shut the door before she could follow me upstairs.
Twenty minutes later I took a shower. I knelt down and pressed my forehead to the back of the plastic tub. The strings of water pelted the bottom corner of the shower curtain. The sound reverberated in my left ear.
“Heavenly Father, I don’t understand this. I don’t understand why this happened again.” I breathed in the steam.
“I’ll accept it. Just please, please help me. Please help me not relapse into pornography. I can’t do that alone, and I need your help.”
I continued to kneel, and I breathed in more steam. After a few minutes, I finished and climbed into bed.
"Thank you," I said silently.
1 comment:
You are an amazing young man, I admire your strength. I don't know why things happen the way they do. I personally appreciate each of the young ladies in your life, they have helped you along the journey. I know Heavenly Father has a plan for you. I know He has faith in you. Be strong... you can do this.
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